Underneath all that, I'm a human, walking this journey right beside you. One that that I'm honored to walk! Because I've been there, feeling pulled in 100 directions by all the shoulds and rules and expectations. Doing all the things. Perfecting, proving, hiding. From the outside looking in, I “looked” healthy and tried to appear happy. But, I wasn’t. I was exhausted, disconnected, overworked, unfulfilled, oscillating between numb & reactive, and felt like I still could never do or be enough. I was living life from my subconscious programming. Driven by fear and shame; deep seated beliefs that told me I had to keep up and be perfect to be worthy and lovable. Chronic stress became my norm. I turned to nutrition and exercise as outlets, but they became another thing fueled by fear and a way to find control when life felt full of chaos. I’m grateful for all I learned during those years and for having those as ways to cope, but coping isn’t processing. It’s surviving. Spinning the same wheels and going no where new. But we can only spin our wheels in the same place for so long before our mind, body & soul burn out.
That breakdown came during a season where my body had truly hit its limit with its capacity to hold stress & toxicity. I can look back now and see where my body, mind and soul were all screaming out, sending me messages that things needed my attention, but I continued to push myself & neglect them. I eventually hit a point where I could no longer do so. My anxiety was at an all time high, I was having autoimmune symptoms, and my soul was begging for space and stillness. It would take months to discover that I was sick with breast implant illness and another year to find out that I was living in an apartment with mold. This was on top of intense grief from a divorce surfacing, which came with emotions I didn't know how to process. That was a dark time in my life and it woke me up and brought me face to face with myself & started me on a journey of self-discovery, healing, and transformation.
I knew could no longer live life the way that I was living it. I had an "explant" surgery to remove the implants and moved out that apartment, but true healing would require a shift in all aspects of my life. I could no longer put myself last. I could no longer carry around toxic beliefs + shame. I could no longer live disconnected from my body, my emotions, my gifts, my needs, or my intuition. I could no longer live out of alignment with my true nature and values. It was my call back home to myself, to my worthiness & wholeness, to my true essence, to the body that I ignored + punished + pushed for so long.
And whew, what a beautiful, life-giving, freeing, challenging (in all the necessary ways) journey it has been. I believe life is always sending us invitations to pay attention and turn inwards, often in whispers before the screams come. We've just gotten so used to ignoring them. And that's why I'm here! Because I know how incredibly important it is to start listening. I know the healing and freedom that come from reclaiming agency over your life, cultivating a compassionate, nourishing relationship with yourself, and creating a life that's in alignment with your true nature, one where you are deeply connected to your body and its wisdom.
We receive so many messages and experience many things in life that have us at war with our bodies, our needs, our emotions, and so many beautiful parts of who we are. We learn to put bandaids on symptoms, to suppress our emotions, to ignore our needs, to bury our gifts and to shut down our intuition. We eventually begin to live in a state of fear + disconnection, doubting our own goodness + deservingness, and pushing aside our desire (and need!) for nourishment, joy, deep connection, and fulfillment. I believe it's time to change those stories and ways of living for a deeply embodied life. One that that honors the truth of who you are. What do you think? Ready to come home to yourself? I believe it's the best gift we can ever give to ourselves + the world.
Check out the services I offer to see what feels right for you.
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